I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
