dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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