the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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