She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
