please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
