for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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