It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
