Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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