Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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