listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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