Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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