Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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