btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
