Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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