their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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