If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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