we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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