yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
