are you still at the devil's house?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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