the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize