My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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