I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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