Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
