Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
