he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
