Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize