ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
