Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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