Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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