Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
