That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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