There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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