she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
