your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
