the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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