Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize