hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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