Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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