Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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