dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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