who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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