So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
