I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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