the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
