So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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