I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
