I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize