I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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