Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
