My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize