sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
