dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
