guys are not supposed to queef...right?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
