I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
