yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
