I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
