A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
