the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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