Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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