i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
