ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
