i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
