i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
