I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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