Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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