I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
