we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
