He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
