This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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