Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
