Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
