No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
