I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize