I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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