I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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