i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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