That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
