"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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