I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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