Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my liver is dry heaving
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
