gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
