She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
