My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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