shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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