We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You don't make any sense
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