I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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