At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
