Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
