If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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