everyone is single if you try hard enough
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize