My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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