Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
