Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
